Apprentice Archangel


“Where is he who IS? Where is he who says, “I am the I AM”? Where is the Living, the sacred principle of all life?” Here is the holy question that the archangel She+He received for mission to ask each living being. First, he thought it was a joke… Some kind of hazing, you know?


Our Ursa

Beginner in the trade, She-He distrusts hazing, it’s human. It’s angelic too. Our young double archangel of an archangel. I call her She-He because of this double sex. She-He because I cannot reveal her-his real name.

She-He wears a beautiful uniform, a long blue-night shirt where stars sparkle. She-He loves this unif. Her-his job? Spread the good word, that of the Eternal. And give notes to the planets. She-He adores this profession which he does not yet know. The archangel is very young, almost a child: only two fractions of eternity. For an archangel, it is very young. But it’s still two billion earth years. And wheelbarrows. Here, the time seems much longer than there. In Alcor. On Ur, his home planet.


A Spy Screen

She-He has her outspokenness, but in her head and when there are no witnesses. Otherwise, motus and shut up. Her portable screen records everything. In spite of an anal reactor that bursts the fire, the trip is a bit long. She-He takes the opportunity to shout in silence. “The good word? What nonsense! Ask living beings if they know? Of course they know. When you’re dead, it’s different. You realize that. I ask it of the living! We think we’re dreaming. Maybe a bulldid. The new kid they’re testing.”

She-He congratulates her-himself for being so smart. But without a sound. Keeping a smile. Her-his screen transmits everything in wifi to the bosses and matrons.

Holy Shit! I have to ask, too, “Do you know where you’re from?” That’s taking people for idiots. Does the toe not know that it belongs to a foot, a body, a single living being? Everyone knows where it comes from because there is only one Source!!

Yes, probably. Everybody knew, but who remembers? Young She-He, you’re too green. Never come out of planet Ur, constellation Ursa Major. How would you know what is happening in the vast world? She-He has her-his screen. She-He doesn’t know anything, no need. The screen sees everything, knows everything, understands everything. Well, it’s remote piloting, especially when you start. But we must learn well. Archangels learn all their lives. As their proverb says: We do what we can, we are not gods.





She-He is sent to Ter-Ra, the third planet in the Ra system, the one that is blue like She-He. A synthetic voice comes out of the screen. “This wild planet was discovered and arranged by Goddess Ana, 1.5 portions of eternity ago.” That’s three billion earth years.

“A young planet,” said the Archangel. “Younger than me, anyway.”

She-He asks the ritual question: “Any previous divine punishment?
Positive,” answers the screen. “Circumstances?” asks She-He. “Cities of Sodom and Gomorrah, atomic destruction, punitive enforcement agent: Yahveh God.

She-He spotted a beautiful and noble city, unfortunately ruined by a large metallic suppository pointed towards the sky. She-He lands near the suppo, in a long garden too clean and tidy. It sucks. But instead of sulking, She-He makes a big smile on the wifi spying screen. Then, courageously, She-He gets to work. From the first answers, it’s a disaster. No one knows where he comes from, no wolf, no gnou, no us, no lynx, no other. Worse still, nobody cares.

There are even those who insult She-He, throwing gibberish or capsules of sparkling drinks. Gross! It’s sticky! She-He wants to let it go, but there is a procedure to follow. The sender approaches Satan’s suppo. Arriving at the foot of the large pointed fence, She-He crosses a forbidden lawn. When her-his feet tread the promenade, the archangel loosens her-his scaly hair and with a slow gesture, drops her-his star shirt. Before the eyes of all in a splendid nakedness, She-He was like the Moon lying on the esplanade.



Come in my arms, my children, my lovers. Come find your divine nature, sings She-He following the procedure.

Useless refrain. Why are you stubborn? No one stops. Will they dare to look at you? Not even. They are all too eager for that. If they look at you, they can’t see. There’s so much to do. Too much trouble. So much business. Running before dark.


Bipedal Nuisance

A nuisance finally approaches. –Hey you naturist, what a nice robe you got. Don’t need it anymore? I’ll take it for a good price

What?! This biped wants to trade my shiny star shirt for scraps of dirty paper? She-He flinches. The biped laughs while waving the paper. -Wonder where d’you come from? They’re good banknotes, man! Take the money and run!
The biped adds in half-voice: Look at this freak with tits and a little dick! A crazy nuts, I tell you!

She-He hears him but does not understand, gets dressed and leaves. Her-his mission tolerates losses: 7% precisely. She-He comes up with an idea. Why not fuck the city at the big suppo? Should we run the risk of being demoted? Even fired? The gods are old. With them, everything is possible. Especially the worst. Let’s go easy. No sudden move. No risk.

There are savior archangels and killer archangels, as there are Terraformers and Terminators. When you learn the job, do you know what you will be? Redeemer or Terminator? Will you know in advance! Everything is played out on mission. Here and now.


Big Pinch

She-He wonders in front of her-his screen. These degenerate bipeds are a disgrace to the stars. No doubt about it. What to do? A good purge? Without its inhabitants, the blue planet would not be so bad. Yahweh God spared it, he must have had his reasons. He only fucked up two cities. We must always follow the divine example, She-He does not ignore the fundamentals of her job.

Yahweh, two cities out. Well, I’ll do less, it’s safer. Out of sheer modesty, She-He will only blow up one city. Why not this one, with its horrible suppository that scratches the ass of the clouds. It spoils the landscape.

She-He moves away at the required distance, takes a deep breath and clicks PUNISH then clicks CLEAR. To She-He surprise, the entire blue planet disappears.

HOLY SHIT! said She-He. I did not enter the city’s coordinates !! The planet is erased! It was terraformed by Ana!!

Terra disappeared silently. A belt of debris is forming on the orbit of the dead planet. Until the end of centuries, it will be as if the blue planet never existed.
Mother fucker! What a loss! Much more than 7% for sure! Mako’s in a big pinch!!



Of Terra, nothing remains but an arrow of openwork metal that flies at light speed in infinite space.


All that is pure is undrinkable.
Paul Claudel