We thought that the engine of the human being was the search for happiness. Happiness at all costs, that it lasts by all means, that obsessed me when I was young. Impossible challenge. Happiness is not quantifiable. It cannot be retained or defined. Happiness comes without waiting for it, submerges us without expecting it and when it goes away, only when it goes away, we understand that we were happy for a time. Too short a moment.
Then begins the reign of unhappiness. Without unhappiness, no happiness. The two pair. Happiness can only be conceived in relation to its opposite, unhappiness. This shows that happiness cannot last. Buddha bumped very hard against this evidence. Enlightenment has shown him that the quest for happiness is illusory, that unhappiness is inevitable and that it is better to adopt another ideal.
The goal of life cannot be the quest for happiness. For a Buddhist, the purpose of life is awakening, and beyond that, enlightenment: becoming a Buddha in turn. Individual quest. Disconnected from the human community, Buddhism lacks generosity. Therefore, it has been deemed selfish.
The historic Buddha has done well. He has transcended human nature, he has reached the divine stage, he no longer has to undergo the law of karma and the cycle of reincarnations, hop! Here he goes I don’t know where, without leaving an address, without hope of return.
Those who pray to Buddha have understood nothing of his message. This Buddha is no longer in our plan of reality, he cannot hear our prayers. Buddhism is not a religion. It is a wisdom, a philosophy of action. Like Sufism and Nagualism.
In contact with Christianity, Buddhism reformed itself. It was ashamed of its selfishness.
Two vehicles of Buddhist wisdom were born, Mahayana, Hinayana — the big and the small. One of these vehicles invented the concept of Boddhisattva — the Christian Buddha who practices unconditional love.
The Boddhisattva is a Buddha who refuses to give up his fellow humans to their sad fate, and who promises to reincarnate to help awaken even the last human. The other vehicle remained consistent with Buddha’s teaching — ie teaching of the first buddha, Rama aka Lama.
No one can hear your prayers. More precisely, no one but you. And your double. Your inner god. The divine part in you that guides you through your dreams, and that will guide you live as soon as you are awake. Hurry, it is urgent.
When you pray, you pray. Your divine seed. You answer your prayers, or not. If you love each other, life goes on. If you love yourself too much, death awaits you. If you do not love yourself enough, unhappiness surrounds you and follows you everywhere.
Another doctrine of India, Jainism, teaches that indifference is preferable to a duel between happiness and unhappiness. A Jain monk lives entirely naked, his frugal food is always the same, nothing in his contemplative life all dedicated to the worship of his Creator. No human being triggers in him the slightest emotion, not even his parents, nor any of his relatives. He does not suffer because his heart is full of his God. That is indifference.
But indifference froze me. I don’t want it. I seek meaning in existence, and the question that drives me is this: what is my engine? My fuel? Who drives me? Who keeps me moving? Indifference is not an engine for me. Rather, it is a brake. It opposes curiosity. It opposes the desire to learn. Indifference is a brake on the expansion of consciousness. At least I believe it today, even if tomorrow I will support the contrary.
For to mock the limited knowledge that is ours, indifference marks a point.
In India still, another sacred path is explored by Tantrism. The royal way to surpassing oneself is the physical body and its pleasures. The exaltation of sexuality.
Tantrism explores the sacred orgasm, in which the sexual chakra initiates the rise of energy instead of accomplishing it, finishing it and burying it. There is no ejaculation, the adept brings his pleasure to the upper chakras. The initiate invites him and accompanies him. Through refined erotic practices, upsetting, irresistible, the initiate explores the confines of orgasm by ensuring that ejaculation does not occur.
The control of sexuality goes through the millimetric control of the different organs involved. It looks like a mix of sex and calculation. Tantrism may be a way of awakening, but that’s not what I’m looking for. The young child must also possess this motor — the old person as well. The exaltation of the sexual chakra cannot be the universal motor in question.
Whatever chakra is exalted, a reward comes : a more lively, more intense state, which seems to fit the definition: a universal motor, whatever the age, the medium, the sex or the religion. Everyone’s looking for him because no one can live without him.
This all-pervasive, essential, indispensable engine, without which our lives would be a piece of shit, but yes, it is intensity.
We are all in constant search for maximum intensity. The excitement, the strong emotion, the drug delusion, all the excesses bring us our dose of adrenaline. Sport, competition, cheating, fighting, running away, anything that breaks the flow is good for you. That’s for sure. The intensity morning, noon and evening. The intensity of nights, parties, fuss, lovers’ quarrels, reconciliations on the pillow.
This search for maximum intensity encounters obstacles.
You can’t always get positive intensity. Too bad, you fall back on negative intensity. First obstacle. Negativity is a double trigger trap. First you fall into it. Then you taste it. Then you can’t get out of it.
The luminous joys of positive intensity seem dull and childish to us. Real life passes through risk. Revolt. Excess. Delinquency. The crime. And the child becomes freed. Finished for him.
There is nothing we can do to help those who do not help themselves. Who do not want to make a single effort to change direction. Detox, lack, sharp pain, screaming — still the intensity, well negative and rotten. But still intense to wish.
Temptations of the Dark
Here is a list of the pitfalls of the dark side of intensity. If you are tempted to try one, this list may make you hesitate at the right time. Right before you dive into a bottomless barrel full of shit. These traps are safe signals first, but if you do it, you’re screwed. One bit is nothing, but abuse kills.
Sadness without cause
Fit of tears
Bursts of anxiety
Localized malaise (school, family, etc.)
Loss of control
Spirit of sacrifice
Taste for the small, which shrinks, diminishes, extinguishes, erases
Priority to pay to the detriment of the interest of work
Tattoo, piercing, full hair removal
Taste for sad, morbid things
Desire for suicide, murder
Solidarity with terrorism
Complacency towards criminals
The arcana of the tarot that can help is Temperance. See the red flower on her head. It evokes the glow of the crown chakra — the fontanel that will soon open. See the wings of the angel who asks only to take flight. See how water flows between her two jugs — energy flows between the two sides of the subtle body. The red of energy meets the blue of the unconscious.
XV The Devil
The Devil arrives, he wants no harm, quite the contrary. He opens all your chakras wide, except the last, the crown, the keter, the fontanel of awakening. This one open up to the next arcane The Tower. You are that Devil, you feel this powerful surge of energy that illuminates one after the other all your chakras. And you wait, active and motionless, electric and serene, you wait for the kundalini to do its work in you. Awakening will come. It is there. It all depends on you. On how you will live it. On what you will see. From where you will go.
XVI The Tower
It is you. The Tower is your home. It is your body of magic that awakens to life. Go and remember: what will be, will be.