Abraham is not the real name of the resident of Ur in Chaldea — the very first city built by the former gods. Abraham is the name he received from one of the former gods, Marshal Yahweh, the ally of the Jewish people. Biblical version of the Roman god Mars, or Greek god Ares, YHWH is tha warlord to the hundred legions of angels. When you know the ravages that can cause a single angel, imagine the damage of a hundred legions!
Dissident
YHWH went into dissent against the god Baal –called Ramos or Ram by the Celts, Bel or Belinos by the Gauls. Baal Rama is the true master of Terra. As such, he enjoys a private astroport in his earthly capital, Baalbek. The Celts said that Baal Rama reigns on the surface of Terra, while his alter ego Teutates reigns on the inner earth. Teut-ates can be written as Teuth Hades, which means the people below — Hades being the Greek god of Hell. The Romans call him Pluto.
The Sumerians told the same story: Enlil reigns on the surface, while his father/brother Enki reigns on the inner earth. Same with Greeks: Zeus reigns on the surface and Hades on the Underworld. By telling us the same story, the mythologies become very convincing.
In short, the god of the Jews is a putschist marshal who tries a shocking coup against his master Baal. As a result, the Jews are doubly frowned upon. They do not respect the official worship of Baal, a bad point for them. And their god dreams of overthrowing Baal whom all worship, a very very very bad point for them. Ball is beloved by the whole world. This dissidence of the Jews makes them outcasts and it sticks to them. The Jews quickly understand. As they are careful, they avoid pronouncing the name of Baal before Yahweh, it is enough to make him angry and you take two legions of angels in your face.
Legions of Angels
That’s why Ram’s memory was erased from the face of the West. Yahweh has stuck twelve legions of angels to the job, they have rigged the sources, blurred the traces, and Ram is known only in the remote corners where the generalissimo and its Mediterranean misdeeds are unknown.
Verily I say unto you, Abraham, the elect of YHWH, was called Master Abram. He was Mayor of Ur, and not a poor wretch as the Bible says. Would a tramp have had a servant and servants? Master Abram strutted about in the middle of the town while his affiliates greeted him very low. His name was so noble that no one would dare disrespect him. Abram was also proud of his name, which spoke volumes about his divine origin.
Precisely. That’s what was bothering YHWH. He decided otherwise, as a part of his plan to took the place of Rama Baal. Most surprising: Master Abram obeyed!
Dirty Money
Then Yahweh said to the emir of Ur: Well, you were Ram, I make you Abraham. And the other accepts. Weird, right? One comes and changes his name, a name that comes from his father, Abe accepts ! A change of commercial brand is not good for business. Abe already has his reputation. This will create confusion and the competitors will benefit from it, these sons of dogs. He accepts nevertheless. Something doesn’t fit.
Easy. Abram has a few cultivable plots on Ur’s land, which makes him a landowner. Landlord you are nothing, Abe moans. Because his few plots barely pay for his household: a woman, three girls, a few servants and two minions. Without a pledge, just fed and housed under the stars, good for them. While Master Abram wore handsome in his blue cloth tunic, and snored well on his feather bed. But without ostentation, uh. Master Abram kept simple. Except that he knew who his divine father was … The great Rama Baal himself! But politics demands sacrifices, and money has no smell. Especially no smell of holiness.
Thus Abram becomes Abraham. Ra, ie father. Ham, ie crowd or flocks. The guy was called Son of Father Ram, he’s now called Father of the Flocks. This makes him the patron saint of goats and sheep, pastors and shepherds, milkers and cheese makers. Money, money, fortune! Yahweh likes to give titles, it’s a pleasure and it costs nothing. In fact, by giving this title to Abraham, Yahweh makes him the richest man in town. The Marshal has just created a tax that all Uriotes must serve to the Father of the Flocks without flinching or queue-jumping, otherwise beware of the armies of angels.
Fierce ages
There is another possible translation of the new name of Abram. It is less advantageous. Ab Raham could mean son of Rahan.English: Ka-Zar The one of the fierce ages, quoted by Pif the Dog. You tick? Why should the inspired creatives who make comics not be entitled to their share of visions? Chéret drew poorly but Lécureux told well. In my dreams I believe it. But always without believing it…
This second version relativizes the money stroke. Abraham in this case will not get rich. Besides, the population of the village of Ur was not very numerous, a few hundred, not enough to make it a millionaire… The village of Chaldée still exists after all these centuries. Note the info: Population of Ur in 2021. There are 364 inhabitants in Ur in 2021, the official legal population of Ur is however 363 inhabitants because the last official figure is dated 31/12/2016 (legal populations of 2017, 2018, 2019 identical). The number of inhabitants for 2021 is calculated from the annual average rate of change of the population of Ur over the period from 2011 to 2016, or 0.1%. (source)
No, not enough to get rich…
A son!
Abram went to a lot of trouble to have a son. After his thirty-second daughter, he felt very weary, and his declining sexual energy made him understand that he would remain without offspring. Then he called his personal god, Marshal YHWH. And spit, he had a son at 76, crazy, and with his wife Sara at 77, even crazier! Truly the Eternal does miracles with a little cantharide powder. Powerful aphrodisiac that he slipped into the omelette of the old couple while the servant was being gobbled by the old Abram, always eager to reproduce for the greatest glory of YHWH in the unpronounceable name. When the Bible says: You will not utter the name of YHWH in vain, it does not order anything, it finds a fact. The name is so impossible to say that we are not going to have fun saying it for nothing!
Yahweh gives him a son with the help of all the pharmacopoeia of Hyperborea, that is to say how long the former gods knew about drugs. A son named Isaac. With two a like Baal, but Yahweh did not notice. Isaac is indeed the grandson of Baal, it has to be known — without being too spotted. YHWH is a jealous god, as he uses to say. And it is bloody true. Impossible to say otherwise, everyone had noticed. Jealous like a tiger. Like the lion of Ka-Zar. Groaaar!
After shitting about screwing all the maids, he finally has a son, he’s thrilled. Speaking of angels, there is one who comes to say:
“Hey Abraham! YHWH wants to speak to you.“
Abraham answers: – Is this a reason to threaten me with your weapon? It goes off all by itself.
YHWH intervenes: Leave my angel alone, he’s doing his job. You grab the boy and you’re gonna cut his throat on the sacrificial stone in the back of the garden.
“But Mighty YHWH! You know very well that Baal forbade human sacrifices! And then kill my son, you know that I only have one!”
“You piss me off with your Baal! I also have only one son… But I won’t hesitate to sacrifice him if it helps,” answers YHWH. “Everyone must bear his cross. Then do as your God does. Obey.”
“Well; my God does not obey,” Abraham mumbles in his beard. And out loud: “Who it should help ifever I sacrificed my only son? Neither I nor his mother.”
“You talk a lot, but you don’t act much. Do as I say or you’ll be sorry.“
“Okay, don’t be angry,” said Abraham. “Isaac, come and walk with your father.”
Ramshit
“Dad, I heard everything,” said Isaac. “Are you going to listen to that crazy old man? Are you really going to cut my throat?“
“Crazy, yes, but almighty, please. What he commands, I do. Lie down on the stone and pray.“
Isaac is scared to death. Luckily, another angel (or the same one?) comes out of a burning bush while stamping his burning dress. He rushes to hold Abraham’s arm. Just in time!
Isaac is saved! He still soiled his loincloth but we have nothing without anything. He comes home to change clothes and forget this bullshit. Ramshit indeed. Abraham will put away his knife when the angel plays a whore trick on him. He takes out of his pocket a ram –as an angel, he got great powers– that he gives to the priest.
“Go ahead, Abe. Just kill the ram, YHWH will settle for it.“
Setup
A fucking setup! Bold is the Eternal! He, Abram son of Ram, sacrifice the image of his noble father? Deny Rama the Aries of Hyperborea? Betray him in the worst way? Never in life!
Believe me, Abraham obeys. Once again. He lost his name, he lost his father, he almost lost his son. The drama goes on. On his way home he discovers that he also lost his wife and his servant. A hastily written papyrus reveals to him the whole truth: We are leaving you asshole. Impossible to remain with a big coward. We take the boy. Signed: Your wife and your whore.
Collapsed Abraham shoots himself in the head, but he trembles so much that he misses. The ball is not lost for everyone. It pierces the bodies of the three fugitives who die instantly.Of course I’m kidding. Where would Abraham’s offspring be if it were true?
“Twenty gods what a piece of luck!” cried the old man. “With one stone two birds in the hand: I am alive and morality is saved!“
Rebels
There’s only luck for the scoundrel. Thus Abram became Abraham, the big man of Ur, the oldest city built by the gods. Thus Abraham denied Rama Baal. Thus he fell into the clutches of the putschist Yahweh. Thus Abraham became rebellious, refusing to serve his father the god of the gods of Terra. Thus he lost the confidence of his son Isaac. Thus Abraham and his clan became the first followers of YHWH. And that the clan of Abraham led behind him a whole cohort of fanatics, ready to serve the rebel marshal. Thus the very name of Rama was long forgotten in all the western provinces.
Thus was Yahweh’s first step on the path of betrayal. Putting in his pocket the most powerful man of Ur, the most powerful city of Rama Baal, YHWH asserts himself as the god of the Jews who had asked him nothing. His still fragile position needs to be strengthened. The Marshal of the Angels will work on it, trust him. He’s tricky, he’s jealous, he’s capable of anything.
Crowd or Flocks?
To justify Abraham’s name change, the Old Testament gives another version, of course. Not very convincing anyway. “You were called Abram, now you will be Abraham because your offspring will be crowd.” In Aramaic, ham means crowd or flocks.
Not very convincing because, for his offspring to be numerous, it would first be necessary to renounce the sacrifice of his only son Isaac. When Yahweh returns to Abe, Isaac has grown up, he remains his only son. Abraham should have countered Yahweh by making this objection. But he does not speak of it. This shows that the text was tampered with by the scribbler angels of YHWH. This guy was really powerful. Maybe he still is — if alive …