The Inner Voice

The voices within us are numerous; I have heard them since childhood. Some are cool, others not, which are sometimes right, most often wrong. But this voice that I am evoking here does not resemble them in any way. It’s me, it’s my own voice imbued with a wisdom and a calm that don’t belong to me. Not yet.

When you hear it, you will recognize it. Trust it, it will lead you higher. At the risk of leaving this world.

02 10 26

It all started last August, when one of my inner voices took over from the others. I listen to it, I answer it, I ask questions. I know who it is. About I don’t know what, it told me:
-How do you know that?
My job is to know everything.
-What is this job?
Reprobate.
-Reprobate? You?
Banned.
-Who banished you?
This world.

–…?
My soul aspires to rise, I rise with it. I cannot live without my soul. Here I am.
–…?
Here I am banned from this lower world.

And the Voice in me no longer stopped. When I sleep, at night or during a nap, the exchange takes place. When I wake up, I remember. I marvel.

06 10 26

-Explain to me how you, who are completely crazy, can know what is good for others?
I know how to give love. I give it endlessly. That’s me, a lover here and there. There is so much need.

My first dialogue with the Voice took place after those two. I was surprised, bewildered, over the moon.

07 10 26

-Are you okay?
Yes, I’m fine.

A silence.

Thank you for asking.
-Are you feeling okay?
Very well. At my best!
-Perfect. You won’t feel death coming.
Why? Is it on the way?
-It’s been on the way since you were born.
Fuck this shit.
-I had nothing to do with it.
No. Death sucks, not you.
-It’s universal. And yet!
Yet?
-Still, it’s not mean. We’re better off on the other side, trust me.
I know. I’m coming from there.
-You’re undead.
And you are the ghost of an undead.
-I am your soul. I will not leave you.

09 10 26

I am transparent. I have lived here for thirty years. No one knows my name.
-Many people know you. Some appreciate you, all are afraid of you.
Afraid? What for?
-You don’t look like anyone and you let it be known.

10 10 26

Are there so many idiots everywhere?
-Serious question. What do you think?
Yes. So many idiots all around the world, in the galaxy, in the universe.
-In what proportion?
0.001% less than 100%

11 10 26

-The one who will prevent you from loving her is not born.
What do you mean?
-You love all the women you’ve ever loved. They make the rounds in your bird heart and you watch them dance without pleading, without regret, without stopping.

A large, curly silence.

-Is that your unconditional love?
No. This love has one condition: I must first love the woman.
-And?
Unconditional love has no conditions. A visceral, non-sexual love, absolute. Not physical, not sensual.

12 10 26

Why me?
-No idea. Those things are as much over me as you.
Still, you must know something I don’t.
-I’m not hiding anything from you. That’s my role. I am your soul.
For how many lives?
-Since eternity, I have been following you step by step. I protect you from yourself and it’s a hard job.
I guess. Thanks for that.

Healing is a plant process. Health is distributed in the body like sap. It irrigates everything. We are cured. (Denis Imbert)

On the Black Paths

Here I am.

I row like a galley horse from dawn to noon, from after nap time until nightfall. Of course, physical health is acquired; I am much better than before the operation. But mental health shines with its absence. Images of death. Temptation of suicide. I have already tried three times in the past. Will another one happen soon? The fourth will be the good one, like the wisdom of nations* mumble it.

*The wisdom of nations refers to common sense, experience, knowledge transmitted by proverbs, maxims, sayings.

If a man does not walk at the pace of his comrades, it is because he hears the sound of another drum. (Henri-David Thoreau)

Long before these clear dialogues, here is a very first one scribbled in a half-sleep…

24 08 26

-Tell yourself that you have been directed to this life. Programmed.
Who programmed me? Who sent me here?
-Tell yourself this is your mission.
The mission, I have known it since childhood. My youth prepared me for it in my body and in my mind.
-Not in your heart?
My heart can only accept it.

Max Altitude

During the Amarnath pilgrimage to Indian Kashmir, we passed a pass at 5,000 meters. Micha and Dominique were caressing in front of me, very comfortable. I stalled. Dizziness. I fell on all fours. I missed the air. A powerful image crossed my mind. Mont Blanc peaks at 48,077 meters. Any exceeding of this altitude –on foot, on the ground–is forbidden to me.

I was designed and programmed to live in France.

And not elsewhere. If I traveled so much in the past, it was to get to know better this world where I had come from. In order to better accomplish my planetary mission.

The Black Paths of Progress

Suddenly there was too much everything. Too much production. Too much movement. Too much energy. In the brain, this caused epilepsy. In history, this was called massification. In a society, it leads to crisis.

I had hitherto been the enemy of backward thinking. Fearing unrighteousness. I had considered nostalgia a shameful disease. Worse than cirrhosis of the liver. Which is still thought to be the price of joyful lives.

But now I thought that progress was perhaps the development of a mistake… (source)Denis Imbert, Sur les chemins noirs (film)