Public Confession

 

In no way do I want to think of myself as something I am not. I know this place, I’ve been there before. I’ve lived in this space many times. I lived on these hills, near the Great Water. I still stay among things. And I lay there. If I go down, it is to aspire all the humility that I lack in the race towards the Immense Being.

The average man seeks certainty in the eyes of a spectator and calls it self-confidence. The warrior seeks to be impeccable in his own eyes and calls it humility.

Carlos Castaneda

 

Thirsting for infinity I am, prophet I am not. Intensely alive I am, immortal I am not. Little human I am, animal I am not. Welcoming I am, obsequious I am not. Grateful I am, worshipper I am not. Twice born I am, important I am not. Discoverer I am, revelator I am not.

Brazen I am, insolent I am not. Liar I am, hypocrite I am not. Delighted I am, delightful I hope not. Loved I am, worshipped I am not. Support I am, guru I am not. Sanctified I am, sanctifying I am not. Xavier I am, saviour I am not. Insignificant I am, significant I am not. Belly full I am, pitiful I am not.

Dying is nothing. What kills is getting old.

Lao Surlam

The world without me will continue,
I want to do the same without the world.
I am still in the world,
but I’m not around anymore.

“If you don’t die while you are alive, you will die while dying”

Motto of the Teutonic Knights

 

Moron I am, silly I am not. Humble I try, modest I am not. In love I am, sun of the heart I want to be. Useful I am, useless I cannot. Worm I am, worn I hope not. Light I am, superficial I am not. Enthusiastic I am, exasperating also sometimes.

Meticulous I am, patient I am not. Strange I am, cuckoo I am not. Crazy I am, and even silly often. Energizing I am, overwhelming I am not. Overflowing I am, invading I could be. Post I am, lost I am not. Cuckold I’ve been, defeated too; I survived.

Singer I am, disenchanter I can not. Joker I am, demolisher I am not. Positive I am, positivist I am not. Ethics I am, informatics I am not. Compassionate I am, passionate I can be. Eraser I am, erased I am not.

Lit I am, igniter I am not. Seducer I am, flirter I am not. Pretty heart I am, talker I am not. Dreamer I am, hallucinated I am not. Carefree I am, irresponsible I am not. Anxious I am, vicious I am not. Believing I am, unbeliever I am too.

To doubt everything or to believe all, are two equally convenient solutions, that both prevent from thinking.

Henri Poincaré

 

Shit I am, fucking shit I am not. Fearful I happen, paralyzed I am not. Brave I am, reckless I am not. Irrational I am, inconsequential I am not. Twisted I am, twisted I am not. Lizard I am, snake I am not. Confused I am, ashamed I could be.

Simple I am, simplistic I am not. Natural I am, denatured I am not. Healing I am, healer I am not. Healthy I am, holy I am not. Devil I am, demon I am not. Moved I am, tearful it happens to me too.

Kick ass I am, bad ass I could be. Composed I am, decomposed I am not. Cuddle I am, muddle I am not. Lucid I am, acid I am not. Addictive I am, addict I am not. Modest girl I am, public girl I am not. Shameless I am, exhibit I am not.

Exiled I am, annihilated I am not. Crazy I am, retarded I am not. Passing I am, overtaking I am not. Warm I am, hot I am no longer. High I am, deep I am not. Cheeky I am, relaxed I am not.  Amazed I am, faded I am not.

Debited I am, disappointed I am not. Empowered I am, debility I am not. Relaxed I am, expected I am not. Unexpected I am, misunderstanding I am not. Thirsty I am, thirsty I am not. Amateur I am, mate I am not. Received I am, Jesus I am not. Old I am, senile I am not. Dressed I am, old I am not. Thug I could, voyeur I could not. Awake I am, awake I am too. Liberated I am, obeyed I am not. Interior I am, superior I am not. Laughing I am, mocking I am not. Decoder I am, encoder I am not. Spirit I am, Holy Spirit I am not.

O Holy Spirit, give us your light, give us your light to enlighten us all.

Catholic Canticle

 

 

By no means, thank you.

No way really.

Please don’t insist.

 

To doubt everything or to believe all, are two equally convenient solutions, that both prevent from thinking.
Henri Poincaré